By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
