I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
