How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Randomize
