I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
