I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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