I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
