Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
