she was so not down for the gang bang
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
