i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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