Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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