I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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