There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
