he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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