If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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