Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
