oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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