All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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