she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
