Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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