He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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