how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
