i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
