She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
