oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
