I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
