Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Randomize
