and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
