Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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