Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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