Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
