32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
