i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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