Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
