whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
