Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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