You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
