And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
