I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
one might say we're banned from that church
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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