She said her name was "party"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
