Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
