Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
