when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
