a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
