Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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