this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
