You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
