From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
