i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
