The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
