Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
