just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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