I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
