Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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