why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
