Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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