Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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